Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
