and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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