I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
