Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
