i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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