She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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