I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
