I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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