just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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