Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize