Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
