I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
