So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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