I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
