I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize