Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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