You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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