thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
