I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
