I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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