Yo dont text me then not text me
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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