Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
