A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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