she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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