I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
