Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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