I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
