I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
