i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dignity is for republicans.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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