guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
