I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
