What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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