just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
