bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
