you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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