how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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