They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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