you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
home. puking in laundry basket.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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