this beer tastes like vomit already
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The adults are the big ones right?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
