He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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