I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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