the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
