I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
