I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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