my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
