She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
