Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
