FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize