mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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