Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize
