Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
