Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
