So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
