cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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