Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Of course I have a pirate flag
this is an emotional support booty call
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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