Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
