the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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