dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
