It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
