I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
