Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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