Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
