Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
another moral hangover. fuck.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Randomize
