I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
