i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
