She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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