Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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