dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
