GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
