Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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