Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
