We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
