I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She swung at the pinata with crutches
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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