I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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