So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
