M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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