I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm passing your future prison.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Randomize
